


Cannabis and Cucumbers (or, Travis and Joe's Excellent Adventure)

by speccygeekgrrl



Category: Fall Out Boy, Gym Class Heroes
Genre: M/M, stupid things boys do when they're stoned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's late, almost everything is closed, and Travis and Joe are bored. Time to go make their own fun. (Written in 2007.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cannabis and Cucumbers (or, Travis and Joe's Excellent Adventure)

Honestly, it's the most amusing way to pass time after everything else has shut down. Travis suggested it one night as he and Joe were standing against a tree out behind the buses, passing a joint back and forth. Joe's curls caught on the tree's bark when he looked over as Travis started speaking, blowing smoke out with his words.

"We should go fuck with some Wal-mart employees," he said, grinning wild, and Joe only thought about it for a second before he was nodding, brushing bits of bark out of his hair and taking a step off the tree. "There's a 24-hour one a town over."

"I'm so in," Joe proclaimed, finishing off the joint when Travis handed it to him. "What's the plan, captain?" Travis slung an arm around the guitarist's shoulders, walking him back toward the buses.

"Part one of the plan is getting some fucking wheels, man. You know how to hotwire a car?" Travis looked almost offended when Joe burst out laughing, smacking the shorter man in the 'fro. "Bitch, don't laugh at me," he sniped, although he was grinning too.

"We could just ask someone to borrow their car," Joe suggested mildly, smirking up at Travis when the taller boy shook his head in disgust.

"You have no sense of fucking adventure, do you? Live a little, Troh." When Travis walked back toward the buses, muttering loudly but incoherently, Joe shrugged to himself and looked up. Stars, moon, leaves-- green-- of course! Andy! Joe sprinted toward the Fall Out Boy bus, practicing his best puppydog face. It was less convincing with the beard, but whatever, he could totally get Andy to fall for it.

"Are you kidding? You're so high you can't even open your eyes. Of course I'm not giving you anyone else's keys," Andy said disbelievingly, looking over his shoulder at the guitarist after pausing his game of Resident Evil. He had a habit of collecting keys when it was obvious he might be one of the few sober ones on this tour, and the basket of them was sitting next to his skinny ass on the lounge couch. Just to prove him wrong, Joe opened his eyes comically wide, then batted his lashes at Andy.

"Come onnnn, I have to go to Wal-mart, I'll be back before anyone notices, swear to god," Joe pleaded, one hand slipping past Andy to dip into the basket, the other waving frantically on the other side. "I need boxers, Travis fed mine to Hemmy."

"Go without," Andy said darkly. Joe palmed the keys and sighed, giving Andy a hurt pout.

"If my junk chafes, you're gonna pay, Hurley." Andy snorted and waved a dismissive hand as Joe beat feet out to the parking lot and went on the hunt for his erstwhile co-conspirator. 

By the time Joe located Travis, pulled the half-empty 40 out of his hand and got him into the illicitly borrowed vehicle, his buzz was fading down. The drive perked him back up, though, plotting their strategic attack on the superstore punctuated with fits of laughter. "And then we find the oldest cashier they have working and check out," Travis finished triumphantly, and Joe's sides were aching from how hard he'd been laughing.

"Excellent!" When they parked, Joe hopped into a shopping cart and Travis pushed him in, whistling cheerfully.

They went up every aisle, moving things to odd places-- kitchen tongs in the automotive aisle, plus-sized panties in the toy section-- and collecting the items for their psychological freakout mission. Finally, Travis steered them up to where a fiftysomething, heavyset guy was waiting at the register.

"Sup?" Travie greeted the guy, looking at his nametag, "Gus. Hey Gus, what's poppin'?" Joe started unloading things onto the belt: a cucumber, an extra large bottle of KY lubricant, a box of magnum condoms (which Travis swore he'd put to good use, making Joe snort derisively and throw a box of 'snug fit' condoms at him), a bottle of whipped cream, a tube of cookie dough, a dozen eggs, and a six-pack of Mountain Dew. He grinned brightly at the cashier, who stared blankly back at him.

"Your total is thirty-four twenty. Would you like to donate a dollar to Stars of Hope?" the man asked when he'd finished scanning through the items. Joe gave Travis a look that said _what happened to this being funny?_ and the taller boy just shrugged.

"Uh, no, we're good. Joe, pay the man." Suddenly, Joe felt like he was the one who'd been pranked; he dragged out his credit card with a glare at Travis and swiped it through.

"Thank you, have a nice night," the cashier said, smirking just a little. Travis waved and started pushing the cart out of the store.

"That was anti-climactic," Joe whined as they passed through the doors. "I don't even want any of this stuff." He poked through the bag in his lap. He could probably use the Dew, the whipped cream and the cookie dough to satisfy his munchies, but the rest of it...

"Seriously?" Travis leaned down, nose sticking into Joe's hair as he laughed. "Troh. If you can't think of some way to use this shit, I'll demonstrate for you." The brown curls smelled like sweat and smoke and the tree they'd been leaning against, and Joe arched an eyebrow when he looked up at Travis.

"Are you really-- dude, for serious?" Everyone knew about Travis and Bill's little fling, mostly from the explosive ending that had sent shockwaves of drama through most of the imprint's bands, but Joe had assumed that was more about Bill's seduction and not about Travie's inclinations in general. More importantly, Joe hadn't thought at any point that maybe this excursion had ulterior motives from the start. When Travis gave him a hand to get out of the cart, Joe swallowed a little, his guitar-calloused fingers totally covered by the other man's larger hand.

"Nah, I'm just fucking with you," Travis said blithely, once they were in the car. He laughed at the look on Joe's face-- confusion, about equal parts relief and dismay-- and reached over to grip Joe's shoulder companionably. "Hey, if you want a piece of this, just speak up. Just because I _can_ rock your world don't mean you want me to..."

Joe turned the radio up wordlessly, his cheeks almost as red as the stoplights they kept hitting on the way back. Finally he ventured, "So you and Bill..."

"Yeah, that was crazy at the end," Travis said easily, "Bill's kind of psycho when he gets set aside, ego too big to fit in his jeans with him, you know how it goes." Joe had to laugh a little; Bill and Pete had a lot in common. "You, on the other hand..."

"Me?" Joe asked faintly. Travis grinned one of those too-gleeful, too-open smiles.

"Even when your pants are tight, it's not your ego showing off in them." The hand that slid up Joe's leg almost caused a collision; the car veered into the other lane before Joe got control again, wide-eyed and embarrassed.

"Jesus, Travis, don't do that!" Joe smacked at the other boy ineffectually, getting little more than laughter out of Travis. "Not while I'm driving!"

"So when you're not driving....?"

"When I'm not driving you can't fucking kill us by groping me," Joe whined. Laughing, Travis sat back and folded his hands behind his head.

"Okay, okay! So now the issue is what we do with all this shit we're not going to use..." It didn't take long for a plan to come together; by the time they parked, they'd come up with the only possible solution.

"My junk is chafing," Joe announced when he walked into the lounge. Andy wasn't the only one who looked back at him; Patrick's grin was both confused and entertained. "I told you you were going to pay, Andy."

"I don't want to ask how you plan on making me pay," Andy said, going back to kicking Patrick's ass at College Hoops 07. "It's your own fault if you can't keep your shorts on." Joe snuck the keys back in as Patrick watched him, wide eyed and curious.

"What happened to your shorts?" the redhead asked. Joe just shook his head and left the lounge in time to see Travis walking away from Andy's bunk. They high-fived outside of the bus and went to smoke a celebratory joint.

When Andy finally went to bed, he found a condom-covered cucumber on his pillow with a note attached: _if you love veggies so much, why don't you marry them?_


End file.
